I am not, by nature, a pessimist. But I am also not one of those irritating eternal optimists that immediately finds the silver lining no matter what the situation. Last night I got some very bad news. The internship I had wanted badly, that I practically killed myself trying to be impressive to get for over two years, does not want me. Neither does my second choice, the only other internship in Seattle. Instead I am left hoping that my third choice, which is in Tacoma, two hours South of my house in Lynnwood, will have someone turn them down so they will take me. The ramifications of this are huge. First of all, there is the devastation that comes from working so hard for something and not achieving it. I can not tell you how many of my peers assumed I was a shoo-in for this internship, having seemingly achieved all of the milestones essential for entrance. It is hard not to be a little bitter, as I have given my heart and soul for two years to this place and have been given nothing in return. Secondly, there are the logistics-- South Tacoma is much too far to commute from North Lynnwood. Marc and I will have to leave our house, our garden, and very possibly, our chickens behind for 9 months. This breaks my heart. I know two years from now when I have completed my RD and I am working as a dietitian I will say that it all worked out for the best. But right now, on three hours of sleep, with puffy eyes and a broken spirit, it is hard to see that far ahead.
1 comment:
It's often about the journey and not your destination. I know it can be hard now, but looking back upon all you've accomplished and learned along the way will be so much more rewarding to yourself than having someone else accept you from a judgement made presumably on paper. And besides, you can't be too down when you have chickens in your backyard!
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