Thursday, April 23, 2009
I spent Monday and Tuesday moping around feeling sorry for myself. On Monday two of my friends who also were unhappy with the results of internship matching came over and we laid in the rare 70 degree sunshine while the chickens scratched happily at the dirt in their outdoor pen. We cried, we complained and we took comfort in our shared misery. We also ate guacamole, chips and coconut bliss and tried to take comfort in our indulgence.
On Tuesday I had planned to get back to my life and get some work done, but I couldn't quite find the motivation in my still wounded soul. So instead I put the chickens in a box (to loud unhappy protest) and transported them outside to their temporary outdoor pen and I lay in the sun for several hours. I'm finding I actually have a pretty limited appetite and struggled to find anything appealing to eat. My brother came over to visit the chicks and somehow it was easier to tell him of my plight, since he knew very little of the process and could say "that sucks" and move on. I managed to get slightly sunburned, and some kind of insect bite on the back of my leg and it felt like summer time. In my attempt to change my own perspective I took the above pictures of where I sat, and the grass as I saw it when I was sitting.
Yesterday it was truly back to my life as I had a full day of classes. I am so very fortunate to have so many wonderful friends who were very concerned for me. I'm not going to lie though-- it was hard to be back at the institution that did not want me. I had a bit of a meltdown during my first class and had to sit outside until it passed. It was a long and dreary day.
I am working towards changing my perspective. I am lucky to have gotten an internship at all-- not everyone did. And it is not going to be a bad experience-- I simply need to reframe my vision of the future. This will take time, but I'm getting there slowly.